Conversation between Kevin and Jesus

by Heather Martin

Below is what my sleep deprived mind thought would be a likely Instant message exchange between Kevin Annett and Jesus Christ.

Matthew 18:22 When Jesus heard this, He said to him, “One thing you still lack; sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”

Jesus: Hey, Kevin… What’s this I’ve been reading about me on your website?

Kevin: Which part?

Jesus:  Well, the part where you call me human and not the Son of God… stuff like that.

Kevin: Oh, that.  Um, well, I was writing off the cuff you know, and I don’t really believe the stuff I was taught in Seminary College, you know.  I’ve come to figure a few things out lately, you know?

Jesus:  Yes, but Kevin, you studied theology and read the Bible didn’t you?  I mean, at the time you took your assignment to start your ministry, you told them something quite different didn’t you?  You told them that you would tend my flock, that you would minister to the poor an suffering in my name didn’t you?

Kevin: That was a long time ago and probably just said whatever came into my mind at the time… I dunno, maybe I wanted to believe that crap but I don’t anymore.

Jesus: So more than anything, you weren’t just lying to your superiors, you were lying to yourself?

Kevin:  If you say so.  But I don’t answer to you anyways, because you are just some guy who might have inspired a lot of people and whose reputation was grossly exaggerated by the same guys who martyred you.

Jesus: You mean the Roman Catholic Church?  Well, if you recall, I specifically said I didn’t want an organized religion formed around me after I died.  I can’t help what people did long after I was gone.

Kevin:  Regardless, It’s what happened in your name that’s important.

Jesus:  Kevin, can you hold me responsible for something that I neither taught, nor had control over?  Do you hold me responsible for the minds of greedy and evil men?

Kevin:  No

Jesus: Now, you also state that forgiveness was just kind of a suggestion on my part and that you envision me more of a contemporary of yours (farting, giving the finger and having orgasms, etc..).  Those are rather human characteristics are they not?

Kevin: Yes, they are… you were as human as the next guy…IMO

Jesus: But in what you write, you state that I should have had more anger in me and taught less forgiveness of those who hurt children.  If I’m as human as the next man why hold me to a higher standard than you hold yourself?  You also state that the wheat and the tares need to grow equally until “the day of Reckoning”, so that God can sort the good from the bad.  You do know that that is not what the parable is about don’t you?

Kevin: I assume you’re talking about forgiveness, turning the other cheek and other such nonsense.

Jesus: Of course, but forgiveness is a complicated ethic not just an action or a feeling.  It is not a casual gesture or ignorance of sin.  Forgiveness is an acknowledgement of the sin and a choice…A choice to not let the sin be repeated by you as a consequence of punishing those who sinned against you.  It is a way of ending the cycle.  Without it there is no escape from the spiritual bondage.   Believe it or not, there are some tares who have the potential to turn into wheat…

Kevin: That’s a cop out!  You expect me to believe that I am to forgive a priest who rapes little boys… to just let him get away with it?

Jesus:  If you believe your own words, No one gets away with it.  The point here Kevin, is that forgiveness of the sin that caused the action is what’s necessary.  Forgiving the lustful thought that arose in the priest that resulted in the action is what needs to be forgiven, for you as well are guilty of lustful thoughts.  Remember that it is not your job to judge how the abusing priest gets his justice, or do you want God’s job too?

Kevin: I can’t let it go.. I won’t rest until I see them pay.

Jesus: Remember that one day your life will be laid out for all to see…. will you be held blameless?  BTW, I’m not impressed about the “giving the finger” pic of me…

Kevin: What picture?



Kevin: Oh.. that picture….

Jesus: I don’t suppose you’d like it if I posted something like that of you on your Facebook page would you?  Oh, well, I guess I make a good target these days, so I’m not hatin’… for now I’m content to turn the other

Kevin: I was trying to illustrate a point.

Jesus: You made a point all right!  Well, let me assure you that I know what’s what and who is who and the only advice I can give you is to figure out whether you like the feeling in your heart or not and whether you want to change it.  Do you want to be a tare or do you want to be the wheat?  Believe it or not you can still accomplish your goals by coming from a place of love rather than hate…. Just sayin’.

Kevin: I think you’re full of crap, but I’ll take it under advisement.

Jesus: Good…. I’ll see you soon.<3


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